i chose my own life. i chose to work in this company till 31st jan. and got to study part time too. work 6 days a week.

i realized good thing is i have no time, no time, or even the chance to think of HER- (relationship problems). haha. anw, i have no one to think of.. as in no special one that allows me to have the ''right'' to think of.

really no time. only think of earning $, and studying. but is kinda of tired recently. feel like body breakdown soon mentally. tired.

i thought i have rest enuf. and i do really want to work. but not this job scope. thou i choose this job, unlike army.

since i choose, i have to do it. dun like to give up halfway.

and what's so now just 1 week into the new job. just felt no one there to teach me. i really keen to learn and do smth.

i miss volunteering. i miss the time spent there with the kids. i love teaching them and seeing them learn something abt life. work is boring cos i dunno what i m suppose to do.

i have no time to think abt her and him together. (thou i am like writing this now, means i got think? ) i dunno... just felt too tired to think abt other ppl life now, dun even know is worth it to think/? haha... this is life i guess for me.

i chose it. i got to live it. fate plays a part in life. till that very day God, i know u have yr plans for me.

hmm. xmas is coming. but i felt nothing of the mood. rem i was drunk last yr cos i drown my sorrow, this time my fren invited me on facebk event and put :'' do u guys want to see Jaren drunk again?'' haha... that's alright with me, haha, kinda of funny... but no more jaren drunk again. never i hope. is not worth to get yrself drunk here, while the ppl u think in yr heart is enjoying herself with him. that's not the life i want.

i got to enjoy my own life. just for now, i dunno if i have the mood for xmas party or not. tired, i kw is not an excuse, unhappy of my job now. but what can i do? i signed a contract , i hate leaving things not finished. that's not me.

Jaren- jiayou ok. thou beside my mum told me this, there isnt anyone who really tells me this sentence which is so impt to me... tell myself, if ppl can do it, so can I. i will do even better. and i really want to.

i want ppl to know how the real jaren will succeed and not being laughed at.

i would still want the blue NEW ZEALSND passport... i envy so much of the ppl live there, when i see small kids there with NZ passport in their hand, how i wish i am into their soul. the country is simply amazing, in the countryside, doing tourism jobs, no stress (or not as much, enjoying greeting ppl, that's what i love to do... )

that's my kind of life i want to lead , Jaren.

reminder to myself- Work hard, work towards blue passport, work. work towards it Jaren.

Jaren Jiayou!
Jaren You can do it!
Jaren, u can acheive all the goals u set for yrself!
Jaren, you would be successful one day in terms of my own measurement of success.

come on Jaren, be a fighter, never give up!

love isnt something i crave abt it now i guess. success and living in NZ is my current goal.

Dear blog,

A few hours back, I met my old friend in a group and the girl good friend told me : '' Do you know 'P' is attached? ''

in fact, i didnt really know cos i didnt keep track of her facebk status. but i admit all the time now and then, i did think of her, hope she's living well.

Heard that she's very happy now, and she is together with 'C' . wow. i know 'P' do liked him before they went to swiss to study... and now in USA doing internship with him.

I gave my best wishes to her then and am glad she's coping well there. We never really contact since she leave for S'pore on 1Jan2009. Guess i still remember the very day that she gave me a call and told me she didnt want to get into relationship and that i was a nice guy and so on...

actually, i wanted to tell you, i didnt really so interested in being a nice guy, i just wanna be with you. but i know is all too late, the timing was wrong. u were leaving for your overseas study and he is there together with u at the same course.

i remember u told me u werent ready for relationship but guess u told a white lie then... i knew u liked him. Remembered giving u the diary in front of him, which i least expect it. did u even know how tough it was for me just to do that diary, i was crippled at that time... but still did it.

thou i have no regret. i have given my best shot. guess we werent fated. i fall in love with her just too late.

In the case of 'M', at least she came clean to tell me how she felt but that wasnt you. thou i never blame you, but i hate ppl who lie. if u like him, just tell me. there's no need to tell me long story.

but knowing u living well now with him, i just glad for u. jiayou! i remembered saying that to you in most of my sms to you... guess i will still say it to you in my heart.

good luck. u have actually woken me up in a way. I woke up knowing i cant be in that state, i got to work hard for my career. i have been focusing on my body from then on, and in my path career and study....

is time for me to work hard now. when it comes to love, guess timing and fate plays a huge role. i was never lucky or never good enough in those last 2 cases. i swear if i ever meet the CORRECT one as the palmist told me, i will give my best cos i know what to do if given a chance.

good luck girl!

xxxxx jaRen –Yong jiA--

xxxxx 20 yrs old

xxxxx TemaseK polYtechniCcc

xxxxx Tourism Student (hospitality)

xxxxx Kem football club member

xxxxx Sentosa Academy football club member

xxxxx Wheel chair ( lammers)club

xxxxx SEA River Club

xxxxx Jersey no: 11, 3

xxxxx ex-manjusri wushu club

xxxxx love his ah ma