Dear blog,

I hate my time now... i dunno what i am doing for now. i just know i want to ORD now god. give me the power to substain on..... tourism travel industry, is where i want to head into.

Dear blog,

Now that no one knows i am updating my personal own blog- diary, is time to write down my inner feelings.

Maybe the reason that humans write blogs partly is for others to view... but for me, is for myself to view... to see the changes i made over the years. And i will share it with ''THE ONE'' if she wants to see it in the future.

Ya, although I may have never really being in a relationship, 22 yrs... but all I know and I need is just a girl. A girl who appreciates my love back. One is enough, as i Dun understand why guys say need to have more girl friends and then choose from there... they say is a lesson learn from each relationship.... i agreed to an extent. but as for me, is difficult to fall in love with a person.... as everytime when i liked a girl, i realize it has always been too late for me.

Time is a critical factor. and I hope each time God has his plans for me. and i believe in it.

as for now, i cant wait to ORD from army. To be frank, i feel so different inside camp. That is not the real Jaren inside. I feel so lost inside. and really hated every single moment of time inside. Time just pass so slowly in it. Spoken with my mum, and realized she say something which perks me up abit.... ''It's just not my passion in the job i am doing for my NS. Endure, and bite it... it will be over in 9 months time. ''

Seriously, is not my passion in it. what i want to acheive in life is to make my mark in the tourism / airline industry. not in the air force. I am not stupid ya, although i know people in camp may think i am. Its always jaren when things go wrong. but once out of it, i will embark on my own dreams. to accomplished my goal.

Army makes me realize the importance of time. I have lose 2 yrs i feel.. and i will make up for it when i ORD. I would work hard to earn the lost time & $$$... and most importantly, pursue the life I have drawn up in my mind. I WILL DO IT YA! will prove to people who doubt me that Jaren will be a successful guy one day. An interview on papers with Regional General Manager for flight operations: Mr Jaren Chen.

Will go all the way to prove people. just not my cup of tea in my air force vocation now. Missed the happy times at airport working. I hope to be back some kind or rather in the airline industry.
PASSION is the most important in career.

Recently, i hope to say i am on track in my own goals i set for myself this year 2010. volunteering at the disabled home, that's what i love to do. remain in contact with the personnel, am just waiting to know my schedule then i will commit to volunteering. is just what keep me going during this army time. I gotta do something and love to give back to society . :)

JAREN, JIAYOU! I can do IT! (diving in May?)

Draw out a list of items I would want to buy in this coming JUNE 2010 S'pore sales.

I know is still so far away, but this time i am looking forward. Cos i feel is time i will fly out in year 2011. is time i changed the image and the the things i want now.

List of items:
1) Bagpack Bags-- for me to travel around the world with.

Budget: $170
2) Wallet. I need one with slots for me to put my credit cards, membership cards, license, NRIC, Ezlink card, okay... let me see. about 8 card slots. and for me to put my coins.
Budget: $60

3) Belt. I seriously need a good looking kind of black belt officetype that i will wear with the kinda of office outfit.
Budget: $30

4) Long Sleeve clothes & pants. Just buy one set first. Budget: $80
4) Covered working shoes.
Budget: $80

4am

and i am awake once again at this weird hour... where most ppl are asleep. all of a sudden, i dunno why i began to count the time over in Europe, thinking of the things she must be doing now.

i dun want to be so emotional now really. i love to change. but everytime i would think of that. wonder how she has been doing. see on facebook her friends say miss her.... do u know, i also so much wanting to tell her, i miss her too. I MISS U... i dunno why did i fell in love with you too at the wrong time. it has always been the wrong time for me in both cases. tell me god, when would be the correct time, then i would say finally.

so much to say in my heart to her. but i couldnt say of cos. i dun want to keep in my heaer those things... but yet i dunno where i shld throw those words away... i hate facebook now cos i sometimes get to see her pics there... enjoying herself.... yes, i am happy that she is happy... but with the other guy there... very strange feeling.

remember the day when i gave her the diary i made for her.... it really took me much effort. i remember i was a cripple that time yet i still went to buy the diary and made at home... the efforts everyday sitting down... sometime as long as 7 hrs... just to do the diary. i tried my best, was happy each time i sat down doing it. thinking how and what to say to her when i gave her...

but the reality always the opposite. when i gave her at the crowded shopping mall, not the ideal place i thought of giving her. and so crowded at that time cos is xmas period. ppl happily shopping while i bid farewell gift to her. and most digusting thing is i gave it to her in front of her boy she likes.... so weird. i am sure the boy is laughing at me in his heart. i am not dumb. so i am like a fool.... again?

if i am given a chance, do u know how much i would do.

becos of her, my close friend was angry with me. and now, i really want to change. but i need time to recover. i want to recover now too really, but i just can't.

blog. best way to let my feelings pen down. i dunno.... god, i always trust in him. he will guide me to the happiness path and find the real girl i really deserved. till the very day i find the one, i would love the one alot. really. swear.

today date: 07 jan 2010. time flies, 2010 already. how long more god?

Year 2010.

Happy birthday to myself, is 02 jan. today, i will be at home on my birthday. someone ask me how i gonna celebrate my bday... i didnt answer this question. cos i know i will be at home.

1 yr wiser, wishing myself happy birthday. Guess all my friends are busy with their own lives.
On the day of my brithday, she leave for her studies. Many things in my heart wanna tell her. but I knew i couldnt say out. Wishing her all the very best in her life and really hope she will take care of herself, which i know she will since she's so independent.

how issit to feel when the person u love leave u on your birthday. I know it sounds stupid but really love to hear her wishing me happy birthday, is all that matter this year. but of cos she didnt and on board the plane now to her next destination.

who says birthday cannot celebrate alone at home? Save $ too ya. haha. i dunno if i am kidding myself or not, but 1 thing for sure. i live for myself Jaren. I have a simple wish every year i made, i dunno when it will come true. but if really come true, i will really treasure it alot.

It hurts, but I'm gonna stand up and get my own life going. no way i am going to put myself in this state. at the very least, i am an able person. thanks god for that.

God has made plans for me i believe. Maybe is becos of such birthday that i went thru, i will treasure it when the right birthday comes for me in the future. when, i dunno. but wrote this blog becos i hope the next bday or every bday, i am able to reflect what i wrote in yr 2010. and hope i have fufilled my just a simple wish.

Jaren 22nd Birthday. 02/01/2010

xxxxx jaRen –Yong jiA--

xxxxx 20 yrs old

xxxxx TemaseK polYtechniCcc

xxxxx Tourism Student (hospitality)

xxxxx Kem football club member

xxxxx Sentosa Academy football club member

xxxxx Wheel chair ( lammers)club

xxxxx SEA River Club

xxxxx Jersey no: 11, 3

xxxxx ex-manjusri wushu club

xxxxx love his ah ma