just visited my old aged 95 yrs old ah ma in the home for the aged... i saw her lying down there, with breathing difficulties. it made me realize one thing. what is life?

life isnt for us to enjoy? how long can one person live? So it makes me think that despite now all the things i have to do, be it passing exams, serving NS, earning $, at the end of the journey, what do u want to leave on this earth. that is the crucial point. it's isnt the things u accomplish, but the legend u would want to leave behind.

seeing how my ah ma lying there in her bed alone with others old aged ppl, it made me feel that i should appreciate my life more now that i am an able person. i can walk, can talk, can hear. i should be glad and appreciate for it now. Maybe i view things from a different angle, but i am not interested in the latest fashion, the must have bags, the must play games, to me, we should explore this world more since we are given an opportunity.

NS, tests, exams, practical, its just part and parcel of life. at the end of life, i know what i want to leave behind. for my children to remember.

someone ask me if your mother and wife are drowning, who would u rescue (1 only)?

my ans: I would rescue my mum because she brought me onto this earth, making me realize the beauty of love for humans. My wife would be drowning to her death, so I would jump back into the river and die with her. I would never leave my wife alone to die, cos i know she needs accompany and is heartache to spend your life without your partner.

I dunno why, but I do feel maybe i talk less when in group. maybe i dun talk so much as i thought i would talk. Maybe at time i didnt voice out my opinion. And this is wrong, i should just voice it out.

I was told by my instructor to talk more in class, which i think i shld really be. I understand he wants me to talk more because of what i will be doing in NS. Communication that is my job basically.

Okay, god given me a chance to talk more now with people. and i should grab and learn it. yes, i will talk more now. maybe because in army, i seldom talk in class is cos i think i may just talk rubbish, and punishment will be given to me. i learn not to talk so much, and now i learn to talk more. okay, i should talk at the right time.

Yes, i maybe posted to Squadron soon, leaving my friends behind. but to me, i think i would rather be in this situation than to being a ''pilot''. its not that i dun want to be a ''pilot'', but i got my thinking is that i would learn more in the squadron area like handling with people and flights.

Some people may have the mentality that if you are first few posted out, means u no good. but hey, it all depends on what u want in life isnt it.

i will improve on my interaction part with people. some say i talk a lot, why say i talk so less. but maybe in front of instructors, i dun talk so much. and i should change. okay.

Airforce, i will love it. i will.

it was val day... the day i did my guard duty. things happened, and i do not want to go thru that ordeal again.

what more can i say, everything i did this year seem so wrong. my life in the year of ox is like a movie: title, my unlucky year. the things i touch like my com, it spoilt. i walk also can hit something. i can miss my bus. i can get chosen when everyone else is raising up their hand too. i get all the shit this year. tell me when this year would pass.

my ah ma in hospital. went to visit her and saw so many old people lying there. from their eyes, i can see they are struggling, my love indeed go out to them. i console myself, so many people out there just want to live normally also cannot. and me, with this little patch of unlucky time i am going thru, what is it as compare to them.

love on val day is not only limited to couple. not going to orchard road and see guys buying flowers for their girls (not saying i wont do it) but hey, sometime why not take a visit to the hospital.. and there, u can also see and spread love. see how people showing care to their loved ones on the bed.

my val time was spend observing and looking at how people sharing their love with their closed ones in the hospital... what about yours,pal?

Going to book in soon. Really no mood to do anything. I just want to say i can't wait to ORD! then i will not have this kind of feeling. 2010 oct, when are you coming!!!! pls go forward time for now. OCT 2010... i can't smell it.

Val day 2009 would be like val day 2007 & 2008. however, this time bit different. I will spend it with my ''wife''- guns. doing guard duty at camp. what more can i say.

maybe i shld be happy instead. cos Jaren is single, so why bother to book out. stay in camp to guard isn't it better? then in that case, i can say i do guard duty when people ask what u do on val day. then i will not see couples on the street and feel the ouch feeling? haha. whatever, jaren u say.

looking back. it has been almost close to 1 year since that night. 1 year, wow... time flies. what was i doing that time and now. i don't know what i am thinking, but people will tend to be emotional when they are alone in bunk. seeing how others talking to their gf on the phone, and me alone staring at the notes, it sux. but i have to smile and look forward ya.

1 year, but u know what... i am one who falls in deeply. i don't know, but just that i have actually been thinking of you thou i never sms you. wanted to ask about u thru a friend, but din have the courage to ask how u are doing now. but heard from another friend u are doing great, with new photos of him and u uploaded. i never went to view those photos cos i think it will hurts. but nevertheless, i was really happy to hear u two are that loving. =) and deep down in my heart, just wanna wish her happy Valentine Day. i think u will be spending it with him ya. all the best to her, thou she dun read my blog ba.

hope u are doing fine in your studies and work. all the best, is the only 3 words i can say to you now.

guard duty on val day! be thankful ya.

Am i a loser? MR Jaren.

Nope, i cant think i am a loser, cos i know i am what i think. No way i am a loser ya. Love life sux. Work life sux. Relationship with people so poor. Everything dun do well. Studies dun understand. So many things wants to do, but never get it done. WHY?

I learn so much recently during my short period in NS. And i wish to thank those who reprimanded me in some sense ... as it really woke me up and realize where is my weakness. People say one need to go thru hard lessons to understand, and right now, i really do understand. i know what is the root of my problem. I SWEAR i will change to be a better person.

Now i understand why the indian palmist say i am a stubborn person. I really see what he mean now. and for my benefits, i will change.

This year Val day is my guard duty. But its okay. i will just =) i mean this is the way i shld approach things now ya. Guard duty then be it. I have learnt. Ya, i also no girlfriend, so even guard duty, then at camp ba. Nothing to celebrate for me. Let people laugh if they want. I cant stop them, but i can stop myself from thinking of the negative things. YES, i am single and i must be proud of it. Is not a crime to not able to find the special one ya.

Learn to accept your position. But stand on your own principles. Learn when to talk and how to talk. I have learn it recently. so much so much so much. THANKS for the wake up call and guidance.

xxxxx jaRen –Yong jiA--

xxxxx 20 yrs old

xxxxx TemaseK polYtechniCcc

xxxxx Tourism Student (hospitality)

xxxxx Kem football club member

xxxxx Sentosa Academy football club member

xxxxx Wheel chair ( lammers)club

xxxxx SEA River Club

xxxxx Jersey no: 11, 3

xxxxx ex-manjusri wushu club

xxxxx love his ah ma