for the past 2 weeks, its like hell to me. i feel so helpless, so lost.

i try my best. but i cant think of any more methods already. every nite, i cant sleep till past 3am. every day, my heart feel so heavy. whenever i am at home, i hear sigh. cries. i am very tired. but i got to hold on. for how long, god knows.

labour day which is when my cousin is getting married. of cos, my whole family needs to go for the dinner. but right now, my dad is not going. my mum is also not going. my brother is in army.

a family of 4. left me, 1 person alone going. i dunno what to do, or what to say to my relatives and even to ppl who i nv seen b4. i got a shock when i realized that i have 3 ah ma (s). and they are invited for this dinner. i nv meet them before.

and relatives are bound to ask : where is your parents? so what am i going to say? my dad have to work on public holiday? my mum is sick at home? haiz.

thanks everyone, i know u guys juz wanna encourage me on. appreciate it a lot.

i suddenly realize i like very anti social? cos monday, malty ask me go eat ice cream, but i turn them down. cos i wish to save $. today, kk ask me go back TP with them, i love to see those ppl that shi hui describe, but i was in no mood now.

i realize that i am not of great interest in finding my love for the time being. i cant probably let her pay for all the expenses. Love is secondary to me now. cos i am rather busy with my sch work.

i want to do well in my diploma as i am like my industry a lot. i want to get the scholarship now. cos i koe the onli thing is to depend on myself truly. all my savings for education are gone. but i know i Shld not blame my dad, i am just angry.

went to delifrance @ palawan beach but i did not eat, cos the food there was damn expensive. i was so tempted to buy & eat. but i control myself. happy to say that manage to spent only $1.60 for the past two days.

and was suppose to attend lecture later, but cos it was zhangwei, forget abt it.

last nite, i was moved to tears when my brother gave me additional $30 for weekly allowance. I just told my mum i need onli $10 for each week. my brother came & tell me, '' i have been thru poly. i koe $10 is not enuf. here's $30. dun tell mummy. '' i was so touch. i just stood there in shock. i love to say thanks to him, but i cant open my mouth.

sat bus 80 home, remind me so much things . on the wayback, pass thru Train station ( the happy times when my family took it to Taman Nigera) T.pagar ( worked at the sakae there b4), then SIA building. i told myself, i must work hard to earn that highest floor at SIA building.

anyway, i love to study in Sentosa. is looks so different from studying in a normal poly. there i can meet lots of international ppl, tourist. close to nature. peacock, squarrel, sea, u name it, they have it...

I FEEL LIKE DYING. WHY DON'T I SIMPLY END MY FAMILY LIFE, 4 OF US TOGETHER? PPL SAY YOU WILL LEAVE BEHIND THE SAD ONES WHEN U DIE. WHY NOT ALL DIE TOGETHER SO NO ONE IS SAD.

FAMILY MEETING FROM 8PM-12AM. I DUNNO HOW TO START. MY DAD MAKE LOSSES IN BUSINESS. AND MY FAMILY ARE NOW LEFT WITH NOTHING. PRACTICALLY NOTHING.

SAVINGS ARE ALL GONE. G-O-N-E

MY DAD BEGGED US FOR FORGIVENESS, CRY FOR THE 1ST TIME, SORRY CANT CURE. IT ONLI MAKE OUR WORLD FEEL WORSE.

HE HAS LOST ********** I DUNNO HOW TO SAY IT OUT, NOT DOLLARS, NOT CENTS, NOT HUNDEREDS, NOT THOUSANDS. MUCH MORE.

WE ARE AT OUR WIT END. DEAD. NO MORE WAY THRU.

SELL OUR HOUSE, SELL CAR, SELL EVERYTHING I POSSES, IS STILL NOT ENUF FOR THE LOSSES.

END OUR LIFE SEEMS TO BE THE ONLY WAY OUT. I DUNNO WHERE SHLD I GET HELP, OR WHO TO TURN TO.

I JUST WANT TO SAY THANK YOU TO MY RELATIVES WHO LENT MY DAD SO MUCH $, BUT I HAVE TO SAY SORRY WE DUNNO WHAT TO DO NOW.

PPL THINKS I AM RICH, TRAVEL, BUT NOW THE FACT HITS ME SO HARD.

THE ONLY WAY OUT I CAN THINK OF IS DEATH. I READ NEWSPAPERS, PPL KILL THEMSELVES OF DEBTS. NEVER DID I EXPECT I WOULD FACE THE SAME SITUTATION.

I LOVE TO THANK ALL MY FRIENDS OUT DERE. AND PLS SHARE WHATEVER TROUBLE U HAVE WITH YOUR LOVED ONES, DONT KEEP IN THE DARK TILL YOU ARE AT YOUR WITS END.

LOVE, JAREN.

family problem. i am sure everyone has their own. but i am so sad now. it's abt money. $ makes the world go round. $ talks. $ hurt relationships.

my parents quarrel over $ matters. i feel like telling my dad to wind up his business. it dont seems to be earning $. after 10 yrs? my mum is so sick and make a fool of herself in front of the bank teller & police. i dont wish to wash my ugly family problems to the world. but i am just speaking my unhappiness ( sadness) here. stop here.

but ya i am even to be more determined to work harder and grind a bright future ahead. to give my parents a good life. I hope i will be able to be a great / respectable person in the future. i Want to be Somebody, and not just like anyone.

I want to provide a comfortable life to my loved ones. hearing my mum work life in office, managers.. i am so determine to work my way up and become a good leader be it manager or in a high post position. I want to show the way to be a good manager. respect people. respect have to be earn. I want to earn big bucks thru my work.

this holiday, i have borrowed books on tips to be manager, respect have to be earn... I aspire to be the somebody in hospitality and tourism industry. i Dont want ppl to look down on me after hearing the working life.

hopefully, 10 yrs down the road, 20 yrs, i look back and i will be happy with how all it goes in my career.

That's all for now.

Hmm... today went for entrepreneurship talk @ TP. was rather intresting. i was inspired by Dr **** forget his name. my brother is so enthusiatic in creating his own business. i can see why.

MONEY.

anyway, got my Sentosa pass today!! what it mean??

it mean from now on, i can go Sentosa for free~~! bus ride ( $1) entrance fee ($2) .

but the expiry date printed on 30 Mar 2007. maybe we can alter it to FOR LIFE? Whaha... but come to think about it, what is so great abt sentosa?

YES. firstly, i can meet international humans! i can meet tourist from all over the world. that is what i am lookin forward to. i love to intro Singapore my country to them. i did it when i travel, tellin ppl why they shld visit singapore.

secondly, it looks like a nice place to be. away from city life. but maybe in time to come, sentosa remind me of teachers? project work? exams?? lol. i dunno then....

thirdly, i can go to the beach if i am stress out. or for whatever reason, go find a romantic spot @ sentosa to chit chat??

fourth, i get to enjoy certain discounts from food & attractions @ sentosa. notice i use the word ''Certain''? ya, only some though. but i think things will be Expensive. 10-50% off though.

fifth, i can meet up with oversea students... from other country. so intresting. i am lookin forward!

maybe i can organise chalet @ Sentosa for my sec school class?? .....

and glad to hear that the future IR will be located behind my school ( TAS) tourism academy of Sentosa.

but the sad thing is:

Since my mum work at harbourfront, she can sent me to sentosa. but i may need to pay for the entry of cars. but i hope no need, since my mum just drop me off.

and becos we ( friends) maybe bored with the food at TAS, maybe i can drive my car then go out to makan. then later come back. good idea ar! whaha. my mum got the season parking at harbourfront. so i may pop by her office and take the car keys??? lol. okay, i think too far i know.. STOP>

Just back. i am all drenched now!~~ simply cos my ah ma dare me to run home wet if it rains. and true, it rains. there i was, all wet standing @ the door step, water dripping, cash all wet, almost torn.

anw, went with my ah ma to bugis sakae, i dont like to go alone there... and the new manager look for my cheque. but she cant find. she told me to wait for that xiaopei. SIAN. so went with my ah ma to buy jewellery 1st. she spend a total of S$800. and she was like nv expect it to be onli $800. and she was showing off her ring while walking.

i was like hey, watch out! dun show off. later got theif. but if have, it will be good, cos it's time to show off my skill in nabbing the theif if there is.

then Xiaopei told me sorry, they havent submit my work schedule to HQ. lucky she say Sorry, or else i will show my face. it means i have to wait till May 10 then can take my deserve $. before that, she ask me how many hrs i work. so i took my own record to show her. she was kind of shock.

''ya, i dont want to be cheat of my $. every penny, every dollar, every cent, is all my hard work. i want it back fully. ''

then went driving immediately. today moi 4th lesson. nth much, drive at the stadium there for 10 rounds?? U-turn, turning, then later drive to kallang food centre.

cut my hair at last. i want to give a good impression on my 1st day of sch, if my class really change. 1st impression counts. whaha!! *winkZ** hopefully, my class can consists of chio bu, soccer fans, kind, hardworking ppl. my grp mates are fun, energetic, clever, pretty..... and the list goes on. oops...

LRT in K.L ... I m so confuse when taking this train around K.L

Alisan Express... sat for 11 hrs ...

Back from moi trip to K.L/ Penang. notice so much changes.. sat the so call comfort bus for 12 hrs... back to Spore. travelling to malaysia has been so long since i took the bus. lastime, always drive car.

This trip to me is like my TTO project. lolX. and aso the tourism transport project. becos in TTO, my grp did K.L & bit of Penang. thus, i took my family around . we sat the city train (MRT) around.

and looks like tourism transport becos we took Alisan Bus. Company. back to Spore. it is this company that my grp interview them for our project. so i m like kind of attached.. =P

Penang once so busy, now looks like a ghost town to me.. not much humans...

tml back to TP collect whatever stuff ( shirts, chef uniform?) heard that we are changing class... Hmm. i so sian of making new frens. but is aso great to koe more humans. u dunno who u will meet. ( Hint: maybe my future wife? )

then i will be leaving on sunday to West Malaysia. ( Destination: K.L & Penang) for 4D/3N trip.. back on wednesday.

Hmm..what is your perfect girl? someone ask me that qn... i rather use the word ideal.

My Ideal girl:

1) She has to be mature. I love girls that shows maturity. I dont want her to keep behaving like a small kid. =)

2) She has to know how to do housework. Cos i think since the house belong to the both of us, its our duty to keep the house clean and tidy. I dun see the need of a maid unless i have kids....

3) Hopefully, she love kids...

4) She love to travel. Together, we can plan trip oversea. Enjoy each other company in another country. Taking pics of us with the nice secenry. Hope she travel with me.

5) She understand me. Stand by me WHATEVER happen. FAITHFUL.

6) LOve everyone around her --> her family. my family.

7) Romantic. Passionate.

Hmm.. i learnt that not all humans love to travel. Some got the time & money, they aso dont want to travel. they say is a waste of time. but to my ah ma, it is a leisure. and that is how the quarrel started...

anw, i assume some of my peep in my this hosp & tourism course dont like to travel too?? i really hope and wish i can travel with my friends... together, we can go bag pack, budget hotel, explore the world. its gonna be fun u koe. but wonder who is intrested... i think my peeps not ar... =-X

anyway, today is FIRST practical driving lesson! this is my 1st step towards obtaining my car license. and ya weiming's instructor was quite okay... went to stadium carpark to learn... brake, accerlator, auto gear, reverse left & right, turning... the car actualli moves!! =D

next lesson will be on next thur... =( one week later.. cos i am travelling to malaysia for 4 days...
and upon hearing that i can learn 2 lesson at one time, so thur i am learnig for 2 lesson. asap!

20 lessons at least, how long will it take me? hopefully just 3 mths... final theory looks difficut. hope i can pass... faster pass and it will be done.

i wish to visit these countries.. they are 1st in my mind...

Alaska ( United states of America) i almost visited my dream place, but due to lack of time, it was cancel.







India!! i love this country... full of cutlure values and life... i wish to visit Taj Mahal , 7 wonders of the world!




Nepal!! i want to admire the mountains with snow, rivers... grassland.. lay down there with the blue sky above me... the villages...






South Africa!! i m so in love with this country... cape town.. the safari park gettin close with animals.. facing the vast indian ocean... sea gulls flyin... cool climate..


Algeria!! i m so curious of this country... i wanna take a look... it's an africa country.

feel so restless these few days.. maybe cos i not working , sleep whole day... but i m so glad i can afford to have these kind of days... i need a break. but at the same time, i feel i m like wasting my time. driving car on this thur.. so excited yet so worry. my dad taught me a bit, but of cos with the engine off!

anyway, Welcome to Jaren's Travel Award 2006
The nominees are (countries visited) :
- Canada
-United States of America
- Turkey
- Egypt
- United Arab Emirates (UAE)
- India
- Sri lanka
- Vietnam
-Cambodia
- East & West Malaysia
- Indonesia
- Australia
-Thailand
- Laos

And the awards goes to ...

* Country which attracted most no. of Tourist: EGYPT

- Wherever u go, there are swamps of tourist. at time, u do wonder if u are in Europe. cos all are ang mo. They depend heavily on tourist. that explains why in 1980s, many tourist dies cos of terrorist attacks

* Country which offers the best food: THAILAND
- The food suits our taste buds. and moreover, it's cheap compare to Singapore. there a bowl of sharkfin, brid nest is like S$20. u cant eat it in Singapore. and is so thick...

* Country which has the most no. of Extoic food: CHINA
- The extoic food range from bird to penis to Ants. i try their black ants before... oh my god.. i not gotta eat it again. but least i can say is i try it before...

* Country which offers the best Man made attraction: EGYPT
- It is none other than the pyramid. it's so huge. so pretty. and so mysterious. i cant imagine how the people build it. i got to admit it beat Great wall of China. Dont ask me what is inside the pyramid, u got to see it inside yourself. To get down there, you have to bend, crawl your way thru the tunnel. it goes down then all the way up.

* Country which offers the best Romantic spot: CANADA ( Vancouver island)
- Romantic if you dont want so many people. there the sea gull fly above your head, facing the Pacific Ocean which has no boundaries, with the one u love together, freezing tempature, embracing each other, hotel by the beach...

* Country which i Encounter LIfe & Death : EGYPT
- I was at this well known market in Cairo. And the next moment i can remeber is a loud blast.And what i see later was police all over, sirens sounded, panic all over. it was really like i was a BCC World news reporter. People crying. and later knew it was a terroists attack aim to cripple the tourism industry. At Changi Airport, the people check our names and cancel it so as mean we are alive. 2 tourist dead, and the terriost blast themselves off.

* Country which has the Worst hotel : CHINA (in Tianjin)
- my aSS..i cant believe. i din sleep for the whole night. 2 stars rated. when u enter the room, so smoky. cockroaches and ants greet you at the door.. bed bugs on the bed!!! the carpet so black. toilet bowl nv flush. EVERYONE CANT SLEEP. we lave that place at 6am in the morning.

* Country which offers largest amount of food: CHINA
- oh. every meal u will tink it is like having wedding dinner. Standard: 8 dishes, till the table u dunno where to put, till they stack up the dishes.

* Poorest Country which really touch my heart : CAMBODIA
- 7 wonders of the world: Angkok Wat in Siam Reap. beggers along the tourist spot. torn dirty clothes. people sleeping down the streets.

* Most Extoic food eaten: CAMBODIA
- ate the snake meat. in thailand, ate cricket, grasshoppers, flies...

*Extoic but nice food : CHINA, VIETNAM
- Dog meat!! try it! i m loving it...

* Scariest moment : CANADA
- walk along World Biggest suspension bridge in Vancouver. is shaky, long, big... high!!

* Most beautiful girl: VIETNAM

* Worst Road travel: CAMBODIA
- firstly, i dunno if that is call a road. is all mud and sand. the country too poor to build road. holes... can travel to max speed of 20km/hr!! cos the road is too (torn) many many tyre shop! my butt pain till we rather walk then sit car.

* Coldest climate : CANADA
- on top of the mountain, - 20 C. so cold. till my hand cannot function. cant walk. freeze. snow till i cant see what is in front of me. the car park for 1 hr, later u cant find your car. all white.

* Hottest climate : EGYPT
- 45C that explains all in a dessert.

* Most difficult road to cross: EGYPT
i dunno how to cross... the police help us. i bet singaporeans will be shaking their head...

* Most Security tight Country: EGYPT
- they have tourist police ( NOT police for your info) all over... no matter where u go, hotel, shopping centre, tourist spot, restaurants

* Most Crowded Country: INDIA

* Best border : USA & CANADA border...
- They no need to chop their passports. u can just pass... but if they just stop u randomly

* Unbelievable Border: THAILAND & CAMBODIA
- Ducks, Bull, animals, farmers bring along to cross over the border... 1 yr old boy just walk across... not much control. u can go where u wish to. if u dont want to queue up, just give them Cash $ and u can cut queue!!

i cant belive who i saw today.. kicking soccer. it's Jianli! hahaZ... what a small world ar.. he kick soccer? i din really koe that... he belong to this club while i am from Kembangan Team. i was shock to hear him calling my name...

my 1st reaction was ''what u doin here? '' hahaz. anyway, my team and his team combine.. mixed cos we aso want to play competive soccer..i love this kind of match. but in the end, lose 6-1? hahaZ.. not my fault cos 1st half we din play and they were already losing 3-1?

anyway, rewind... last nite send my brother to Brunei for army training. and ya saw so many army boys... i was imagine myself in 2 yrs time, its my turn. at the airport, going for training. my family send me off. while some, their girlfriend come to send them off... i was thinking.. wonder what would it be ar for me? nextime, if i manage to find the girl i love, or maybe just my family send me off... or maybe better if both my gf and family send me off...

cos most army training would depart at midnite.. i dun want my gf to go home on her own at such a late hr... wait Jaren... u are single now.. why think so far ar..

kies, rewind to this morning, went to book my final theory driving test... then call up Chaplin ( Weimin) driving instructor... he manage to identify me as the geylang that boy... anw, he say i can book anytime on the weekdays for driving. but when he check his timetable, he say mon, tue, wed all full... i m wondering so many students?! and he say i can book anytime.. it means i have to book 2 weeks earlier?!?!

anw, my 1st practical driving will be on 6th April. 4pm. he come to geylang...

kies, i koe i always zi yan zi yu.( tokin to myself) but maybe that is what diary for..
in the next few posting, i will post my travel experience. and from there, there will be a TRAVEL AWARD 2006 (all results will be based on the countries i visited)

just a quick sneak preview... the awards will be separate into:
- Best Tourism earning country ( Country which attract most no. of tourist)
- Most disgusting food i ate
- Best unforgettable experience
- Most amt. of history the country has
- Most unfriendly residents (country)
- Most beautiful girls (country) hahaZ
- Best Romantic spot

till then, stay tune.... @ jaren blog. =)

xxxxx jaRen –Yong jiA--

xxxxx 20 yrs old

xxxxx TemaseK polYtechniCcc

xxxxx Tourism Student (hospitality)

xxxxx Kem football club member

xxxxx Sentosa Academy football club member

xxxxx Wheel chair ( lammers)club

xxxxx SEA River Club

xxxxx Jersey no: 11, 3

xxxxx ex-manjusri wushu club

xxxxx love his ah ma