jogging, voluntering. studying. working ad hoc basis.

many ppl ask me the same old thing again.... when are u finding a full time job??

is not that i dun intend to find one, but now is not the time yet.
and the next question, then when ?

i have my plan. and i know what to do, all planned it out. i kw the direction i want to head clearly.
never really wanted to tell ppl that i set goals for myself this yr to learn french, diving, etc.

these are things i want to do right now... this yr. to pursue the life i want, and not the life every person should lead.

there isnt any model of life to follow. but all i want is to travel around the world to experience and take in the different cultures.

But first, in the tourism industry, to succeed i think one need to know a foreign language. I learnt jap before but was least interested so didnt push on. but French, is a big market out there.

middle east, africa, vietnamese, some parts of caribbean islands, canada, all speak french. even if i can't find anyone to learn with, i got to get it done this yr. come on! in life, u dun have to relie, wait for others if no one is interested, cos at the end of it, is yr life. u grab hold of it.

as for val day, is isnt anything new for me. 23 yrs never had an unforgettable val day before. and ppl ask what i am waiting or looking for in a gf?

my ans in my heart: i'm looking for a lifelong partner, not just a gf, who will share, mature thinking, etc... and i will bring her to the corners of the world with her in my hands. I dunno when i will get to meet her, but one day somewhere, sometime, i kw i will meet her.

as for now, career, saving up $ for my travel is more impt.... my career esp and studies.

i chose my own life. i chose to work in this company till 31st jan. and got to study part time too. work 6 days a week.

i realized good thing is i have no time, no time, or even the chance to think of HER- (relationship problems). haha. anw, i have no one to think of.. as in no special one that allows me to have the ''right'' to think of.

really no time. only think of earning $, and studying. but is kinda of tired recently. feel like body breakdown soon mentally. tired.

i thought i have rest enuf. and i do really want to work. but not this job scope. thou i choose this job, unlike army.

since i choose, i have to do it. dun like to give up halfway.

and what's so now just 1 week into the new job. just felt no one there to teach me. i really keen to learn and do smth.

i miss volunteering. i miss the time spent there with the kids. i love teaching them and seeing them learn something abt life. work is boring cos i dunno what i m suppose to do.

i have no time to think abt her and him together. (thou i am like writing this now, means i got think? ) i dunno... just felt too tired to think abt other ppl life now, dun even know is worth it to think/? haha... this is life i guess for me.

i chose it. i got to live it. fate plays a part in life. till that very day God, i know u have yr plans for me.

hmm. xmas is coming. but i felt nothing of the mood. rem i was drunk last yr cos i drown my sorrow, this time my fren invited me on facebk event and put :'' do u guys want to see Jaren drunk again?'' haha... that's alright with me, haha, kinda of funny... but no more jaren drunk again. never i hope. is not worth to get yrself drunk here, while the ppl u think in yr heart is enjoying herself with him. that's not the life i want.

i got to enjoy my own life. just for now, i dunno if i have the mood for xmas party or not. tired, i kw is not an excuse, unhappy of my job now. but what can i do? i signed a contract , i hate leaving things not finished. that's not me.

Jaren- jiayou ok. thou beside my mum told me this, there isnt anyone who really tells me this sentence which is so impt to me... tell myself, if ppl can do it, so can I. i will do even better. and i really want to.

i want ppl to know how the real jaren will succeed and not being laughed at.

i would still want the blue NEW ZEALSND passport... i envy so much of the ppl live there, when i see small kids there with NZ passport in their hand, how i wish i am into their soul. the country is simply amazing, in the countryside, doing tourism jobs, no stress (or not as much, enjoying greeting ppl, that's what i love to do... )

that's my kind of life i want to lead , Jaren.

reminder to myself- Work hard, work towards blue passport, work. work towards it Jaren.

Jaren Jiayou!
Jaren You can do it!
Jaren, u can acheive all the goals u set for yrself!
Jaren, you would be successful one day in terms of my own measurement of success.

come on Jaren, be a fighter, never give up!

love isnt something i crave abt it now i guess. success and living in NZ is my current goal.

Dear blog,

A few hours back, I met my old friend in a group and the girl good friend told me : '' Do you know 'P' is attached? ''

in fact, i didnt really know cos i didnt keep track of her facebk status. but i admit all the time now and then, i did think of her, hope she's living well.

Heard that she's very happy now, and she is together with 'C' . wow. i know 'P' do liked him before they went to swiss to study... and now in USA doing internship with him.

I gave my best wishes to her then and am glad she's coping well there. We never really contact since she leave for S'pore on 1Jan2009. Guess i still remember the very day that she gave me a call and told me she didnt want to get into relationship and that i was a nice guy and so on...

actually, i wanted to tell you, i didnt really so interested in being a nice guy, i just wanna be with you. but i know is all too late, the timing was wrong. u were leaving for your overseas study and he is there together with u at the same course.

i remember u told me u werent ready for relationship but guess u told a white lie then... i knew u liked him. Remembered giving u the diary in front of him, which i least expect it. did u even know how tough it was for me just to do that diary, i was crippled at that time... but still did it.

thou i have no regret. i have given my best shot. guess we werent fated. i fall in love with her just too late.

In the case of 'M', at least she came clean to tell me how she felt but that wasnt you. thou i never blame you, but i hate ppl who lie. if u like him, just tell me. there's no need to tell me long story.

but knowing u living well now with him, i just glad for u. jiayou! i remembered saying that to you in most of my sms to you... guess i will still say it to you in my heart.

good luck. u have actually woken me up in a way. I woke up knowing i cant be in that state, i got to work hard for my career. i have been focusing on my body from then on, and in my path career and study....

is time for me to work hard now. when it comes to love, guess timing and fate plays a huge role. i was never lucky or never good enough in those last 2 cases. i swear if i ever meet the CORRECT one as the palmist told me, i will give my best cos i know what to do if given a chance.

good luck girl!

finally, the date has come. sobs of tears rolled down my face when i was in the car driving out of the camp. one last look at my camp, bye in my heart, that's it.

enuf of my 2 yrs in there. enuf of NS. now i have done my part as a male citizen.

is time to do things i really love to do. New zealand trip will be the first out of many that i will embark to do.

1 yr ago, in 2009, i was on the bed at this time @ CGH hospital. after my leg operation. feeling lonely, moody, sad, pain on my leg. thinking of her.

1 yr later, ORD! got my pink IC back... back on track to where i paused in my life. time to resume and now definitely with more jest. army taught me time is precious, dun wait,act. that is why i am going on my NZ trip in 2 days time. i acted upon it. and draw out goals for myself. i know i can achieve it!

i just saw her photos on fb with him .... they are very close. Jealous, i am not. i just feel maybe time was not on my side at that time. I was never presented with the opportunity. I had to serve the army when he has completed his NS and go studies and now internship with her. Maybe god has other plans i believe. it makes me more determine to treat the one, the truly and only one better if I have find her in the near future. If it really mean that i met them on the streets one day, I will surely go up front and shake their hands and give them my fullest blessings.
knowing that she is well taken care of, I'm glad for her.

ok. back to my ownself. Jaren! now that I have ORD, i will now put words into action. SURELY.
jiayou for myself. pat on my shoulder. If i can wait for this day for 1 yr plus, I can surely put everything into place for myself, my life, my career, my family, my love, in place. I WILL.

DATED 22 OCT 2010

5 more working days to ORD, finally!!!! happy deep down in my heart.

lazy to write blog. below attached is an email i wrote to my good friend, Brenda.



hey dear

hmm... all of a sudden, i cant sleep after seeing the photos on facebk.... i thought i shld be fine, i thought those photos ''he'' was not inside... but he is... i saw pamela photos on facebk.... and she has moved to USA for her internship.... good that she arrive there safely. i dunno when she was suppose to fly there, but guess is now on fb ''day 1 USA'' guess she just arrived there ... i saw ''him'' in the fotos... last time, she asked me if she should do her internship, and i told her do what u thing is right... but now i saw ''him'' in USA with her, although they are in a group, i somehow felt that is it becos of him? she is in USA? when she will come back in sg? but evne she is back in SG, we didnt contact each other.

makes no difference. thou in my heart, i would really want to ask her '' how she is recently, seriously, not the kind of standard ans like ''i m ok''... i wanted to know how my fren is doing in other countries... but guess when i send her a message on fb, her ans i can feel is not so keen in answering. short ans. guess i m a little sensitive. maybe.

but somehow or rather, i feel like asking pam, just a casual question, nothing else, i wonder where is the winnie the pooh soft toy i gave her, the diary i hand make for her, the letter i wrote for her... is it dumped under a bed in SG, or is it thrown away/lost in Swisszerland (ok, guess she dun bring it at all in the 1st place), or is it in USA (highly unlikely), how's her dog

anw, i did wish her before and it remains the same, as long as she is fine, guess that's enuf. i saw maltida photos too on fb the small display pic... i didnt want to click her profile page, cos i know it will hurt too.. haha... (suddently, i feel like loser) anw, glad that she is happy and fine with Keat. Saw her once on the street, she look rather gloomy, thought she have a fight with keat, but lucky keat treat her good and she's happy.

what is yrs, will be yours, what is not, will never be.. the same applies to you and me and everything. i have tried and fail. but at least i try. and i learnt from it.

and ya... i remember is yr singing audition, how is it.... have confidence getting into next round? shouldnt be a problem for u ya bren! jiayou! jiajun jiayou! bambi & aiko jiayou too.. haha. i wanted to sms u that day, but i didnt cos i afraid it will distract u or maybe even worse, when u perform, the sms ring tone goes off.... (maybe i think too much, where got so qiao... haha, but i did think at that time)

anw, 5 more working days to ORD!!! my pink IC is back to me on This coming FRIDAY!!! 22/10/10... my freedom! seriously, i miss my IC so much... the privileges come with it. i have never feel respected in my army life, never, till now i am the most senior servicemen there, is the same. the juniors are very bitchy batch. only a few good ones I feel comfortable with. and i will forever remember those who help me when i am down at that time... in year 2009, is the worse year in my 22 yrs of life.... many things happen, ah ma health scare, my 2 operations, heartbreak relationship, mum didnt do well in work, financial problems, nv felt being respected in army, was scolded many times and laughed at behind....

but it did wake me up in Dec 26 when i was drunk during xmas party at my fren hse, read self improvement books, motivate myself, and set goals for myself in years to come... and i m happy to say that most of the goals set in 2010 i have done it, except 2 of it. thou yr 2010 havent end, so i cant count my chickens before they hatch. but knowing that what i wrote in Jan, now it seem to be working towards it... slowly but surely.

recently back from my holiday in Hainan Island, china, the floods there terrible. i saw chinese armies, marching on the road, trying to save ppl, ppl on top their roof trying to get rescue, i think these are all images we singaporeans can only seen on TV news. but when u see it in real life, u can feel it much more. Singaporeans dun bother much abt news for youngsters, they bother more about how their facebk games are going abt... such a differnt mentaility.

i saw huge tourism potential in Hainan Island and Sri lanka the last time i went, i dream of opening resort ya... so much untapped potential i feel... from these 2 places... apart from elsewhere. the market and demand is there.

anw, 7 days time, i will be flying off to New Zealand.... for my dream holiday. this is my goal actually i set for myself, and i have action on it, having been the planner from the start till now... and next week, is time for me to execute and make sure things go smoothly.... as plan if possible.

i shld be going to Indonesia with my friend, but now he told me he is busy earning $.... disappointed. guess is nv easy to arrange overseas trip, only a short trip to Batam also cannot.
so i planning to go Miri-- East Malaysia, fly to Kota Kinabalu then fly to Miri, caves walking. world famous caves with my mum. guess she is now the only companion in travel. lol.

sometime, i am also human. like now so late 4.50am... i dunno who to call and talk to... so i wrote this email. how funny is that it reminds me of Maltida saying call her whenever i need someone to talk to... but also not right, how shld i talk to her... will be a crazy guy if i call, she has her life to lead... :)

reply me ya... hope to see yr email before i ORD and fly off to New zealand.. =) long time din hear from u....

take care dear!

today, i met someone looks like her. but i knew it wasnt her... cos she is not in sg.

but she really looks like her... or is it becos i miss you so i thought she looks like you?
and that lady is already 29 yrs old plus, but when she was talking to me, i was kinda of thinking that it was you who was talking to me... till she spoke about her hubby also in the air force....

i know i shldnt miss you... cos u have yr life, and i have my life to live on... hope she's doing fine there... i wonder is she? i would standby every word i said... as in whenever u need someone, i'm sure i will be there thou i know it won't be those kinda of relationship... standby what i said in the diary, need a listening ear, i will be there.

dearest blog

recently, i just signed up for this degree course offered by SMA... Murdoch University, Perth.

I was looking thru the brochures i collected over 3 yrs... and realized last time, i used to think and want to go university... at swisszerland.. but now is an australia university. and it reminds me of HER, doing her study there now.

wonder how she have been. i woke up at 6am... and thought of her.. and couldnt sleep after that. i try to shrug it off the thought of her. i really did tried. seems like it comes back again. in the past, used to be 'M' . Now its 'P'. tell me... when would I do it away...

I just wanna hear how she have been doing over there for the past 3 months... saw her photos on fb with i guess is him.... really together? if so, guess is very romantic in Europe. wish her all the very best, thou it really feels sourish. but i had tried my best jaren.

god has his own arrangements. really wanted to ask her, how are u recently? but maybe she wont reply, maybe she will be too busy to reply. and i wonder the two things i gave to her, where's it? Is it hidden in somewhere in her cupboard in SG? or is it with her in freezing swiss? or is it in the dustbin incernator ... long disappear from this world.

I just wanna say :'' good luck girl''

8 more months Jaren, to begin a new chpt of life after NS... come on quick.

xxxxx jaRen –Yong jiA--

xxxxx 20 yrs old

xxxxx TemaseK polYtechniCcc

xxxxx Tourism Student (hospitality)

xxxxx Kem football club member

xxxxx Sentosa Academy football club member

xxxxx Wheel chair ( lammers)club

xxxxx SEA River Club

xxxxx Jersey no: 11, 3

xxxxx ex-manjusri wushu club

xxxxx love his ah ma